Jarvis

 

In a world plagued by Big Macs and fried foods, we as human beings need a hero, a special someone who can rid us of the consequences of our table manners. We need a vision of hope, a symbol of victory over our own demise. Jarvis is the answer to our prayers as an alien who devours triglycerides and makes the human body slim and sexy; well eventually. Come with Nathaniel Hawthorne as he experiences the pros and cons of being an intergalactic host for the small but powerful, Jarvis.

 

Prologue:

Life as we know it is short, mundane, routine, and at times comes with glimmers of joy and sadness. Some of us have lives that are full and complete on the surface, but are a complete crap show underneath. Some have no life. This was the case for me. Hi, I'm Nathaniel Hawthorne, but you can call me Nate. It's kind of hard for me to begin this story from child birth since that story until now would make you want to punch me in the face from boredom. I'll simply start from the night my life went from mundane to chaotic, and from chaos rose the phoenix. Can you believe that I was once an obese man nearly 300 pounds and invisible to nearly every female on the planet, and now have no worries of ever being over 3% body fat. No dieting, I eat like a pig, didn't change a thing and I feel like a million bucks. Then again we all do, the entire human race; we dwell like living trash compactors for all things edible and it's not even evolution, it's because we are, wonderful hosts.

 

Chapter 1: Cherry Cheesecake

Let me set the mood for you. It's a Wednesday evening around 9p.m. and I'm in my typical basketball shorts and Bob Ross t-shirt which of course are a grown, fat man's version of jammies. It's raining gently outside and the temperature is warm enough to have the main door open. My cat, Milo, sits at the screen in anticipation of possibly a new master, a treat, or he's contemplating suicide since his only friend is, well, me. The wind blows in from time to time and I can smell the river water the storm picked up and dropped on my house here in the mid western, suburban, hick town. Milo glances at me as if he knows I have an inner monologue. "Love you Milo!" Yeah he definitely can't hear it. Either that or he really is premeditating on how to kill me in my sleep. As I'm sitting here playing Minecraft and trying to build the life I wish I had, I hear a noise, a large thud out in the back yard. It scared the hell out of me and it took me a moment to pull my weight from the chair. I put on my shoes and grabbed my cell to use as a flashlight, and quite possibly a weapon if need be. This crashing noise is the highlight of my year, you know, something exciting for once, and tomorrow it's going to be May (Enter Justin Timberlake Meme here.) I slowly open the screen door, gently brushing my foot against Milo, and he gave me the "screw you" look and jumped into my chair. I love that cat! I closed the screen behind me and trudged across the yard, feeling the drizzle of fish-smelling rain now trickling down my brow. I see a small hint of black smoke and a smoldering, can-shaped piece of metal at the north end of the yard. What the hell is that thing? I approached the cylindrical, metal object like the explosives guy on Hurt Locker. This could be anything, a piece of satellite, part off a plane or helicopter, the neighbor blew up his car and this muffler is all that's left. I snuck closer and closer, my heart now lodged in my throat and I must admit I was quasi aroused. I mean, this stuff never happens here in middle America. It's Vichy, Missouri. Population, 40 men and women, 30 dogs and cats, 2000 cows, and a weird ass can in my back yard! Back to getting closer to this smoldering 40oz dooms day can, I grabbed the garden gnome and stepped within swinging distance. As I reared back my weapon, the damned gnome of all things, I noticed a blue glow coming from the side of the can. OK, so most scenarios like this end up like a bad episode of X-Files and you see some dude get eaten or turned into a puddle of some nasty liquid goo. "Nope!" I ran for the house and nearly ran through the screen trying to open it. I shut the main door which of course pissed off Milo, and hit the lights. I watched through the sliding glass door, the glow became greater in size and intensity, as the top of the object seemed to liquify and morph into what seemed to be a small slide, the kind you see at the park only 1/8th it's normal size. The light dissipated and disappeared into the night, but a sense of something's there swept over Milo and I, and he could see it in the dark. Milo's fur stood up, he lifted his back, and hissed at the door, which scared the crap out of both of us and we are now hunkered under the kitchen table. Light bled into the back yard through tiny slots in the privacy fence, and it allowed us to see slow movements across the grass. something small was appearing as a shadow, slithering across it. Near urinating myself, I bite my lip and held Milo close to my chest as we lay on the kitchen floor in anticipation. The last beam of light only a foot of so from the glass door is interrupted by this shadowing figure and then, boom! Milo disappeared after scratching my arms up and leaving me screaming like a 13 year old girl at a Bieber concert. What the hell just hit the glass!? Is this for real? Is this the end? Tune in next time…, sorry this part still freaks me out. I'll get it out sooner or later. I slowly crawled backwards towards the kitchen wall and slid my hand up to the light switch. I flicked the switch and my eyes focused on the bottom of the door. "Hellllooo!" Rings from outside as if Mrs. Doubtfire was standing there. In shock, I waved and smiled at this 6 inch tall butler-esque, Mr peanut-looking worm. "Um, are you here to kill me?" "Take me to your leader!" I got to stop smoking so much weed. So here it was, the highlight of my year is an oversized fish bait that looks like a Jim Henson Muppet gone wrong. Not only that but he's cracking one liners through the door. I decided to do what anyone else losing their mind and hallucinating freaky ass figures in the night would do... Devour an entire cherry cheesecake and then go to bed.

 

Chapter 2: Carrot Cake

I didn't sleep well last night, and even though I'm sure I wasn't dreaming any of last night's events I am subconsciously tell myself that very thing. What was it? What did it want? Did I smoke a fatty last night? I don't know. What I did know was that in a few minutes, I've got to roll out of this safe bed and journey through the house in preparation for the work day. For employment in Hicksville, USA, I'm a mild mannered jack of all trades, master of none at my very own electronics repair store just one town over from my own. A quick fifteen minute drive from the house and I'm there, but today wasn't an ordinary day. I crawled slowly out from underneath my one blanket. I have a Linus complex like in peanuts except I don't suck my thumb, when I'm awake. I hate bulky comforters and bed spreads, they are costly and a waste of time for a bachelor like me. after getting up I creeped to the bedroom door and peaked through it as if I was a peeping tom. I immediately thought of George McFly when he was peeping on Loraine and it made me giggle for a moment. Then my butthole puckered to think, "what if this monster hits ME with a damn car!" I guess I watch too much TV. As I was saying, I peaked and saw Milo ready and waiting as if today was as normal and neutral as the passed 36 years I had been on this earth. I relaxed a bit and did my default routine of shit, shower, shave, brush my teeth and put on something suitable for a geek in a geek repair shop. I fed Milo, turned on Good Morning America, as if to think that's what a cat that licks his own junk would watch. Maybe I should turn on The View to get him to stop. Ha. I made it to work in record time finally believing the thoughts I had fabricated about the night before. "It was all a dream. I played too much Xbox and dozed off, slept ate that cheesecake and went to bed when I woke up on the kitchen floor." Yeah that's what happened. I worked diligently through the morning and was bound for lunch at Meg's cafe which had a special named after me. The Buddha Belly Special, comprised of a double bacon cheeseburger, onion rings, two dill pickle spears and a big piece of carrot cake. I got it just about every day and Meg wasn't shy on the cake serving size. after devouring the main portion of the meal I decided to take the cake to go, due to a project I was trying to finish at the store. It was a massive computer server build for this jackass of a client Bill Shiltz, or Shiltz head as I liked to call him. He needed some huge hard drive hub with server capas- aww who the hell cares what it was. You want to know about the "thing." I'm getting there, keep your pants on. As I was finishing up Bill's box and my cake, I heard a scratching noise coming from the back door of the shop. I usually parked my beautiful 2016 sky blue, gay man's, Prius in the back of the store to keep the local kids from writing obscenities in chocolate syrup or permanent marker like last time. Not so fun to drive down I-44 with chubby checker the pecker wrecker written in bold on BOTH sides of your car, and you just happen to be "chubby." I strolled to the back door and gazed through the peep hole to see if anyone was there. The scratching was still going on but I couldn't see anything. I figured it was a dog or cat looking for grub so I opened the door. I stood frozen and nearly in shock as the 6 inch Sigmund Freud alien worm from last night tipped his head at me and said "So we meet again. The ride in your chubby checker mobile was quite soothing and I fell asleep in the back. Hope you don't mind that I napped in your vehicle. Where are my manners, my name is Jarvis and it is a pleasure to meet you!" At least that's what he told me he said later. I passed out at " so we meet aga-. "

 

Chapter 3: The $5 Box

Once again I find myself in the floor, wondering if I am dreaming or not, but I didn't have to wonder for long. Standing tall on my chest, is the same little freak that has now scared me into the prone position twice now. "Pardon my intrusion into your domicile, but I must insist to make contact with you. I locked the door and placed your closed sign in the window." Wow. How can I fathom a response? Before I had a chance to stumble over my words to ask what he wanted from me, he levitated over to the desk and gestured to me to have a seat. I slid clumsily across the floor and pulled myself into my desk chair, slouching down and backwards away from the desk. "You really shouldn't be alarmed. I'm not here to harm you. As I said before my name is Jarvis and I am a World Observing Righting Mechanic or W.O.R.M." Um, I'm Nate, I'm an earthling and I think I just crapped myself. This is hard to believe or understand. So your not here to kill me, what ARE you here for? "To discover a world with a massive supply of triglycerides for my race to feed upon." What? "In easier terms, we are chubby chasers. We eat fat and supply our hosts with abilities to live long, healthy, vibrant, lives." Wait, so what this giant grub is telling me is that he is an extraterrestrial fat burner who will take over my body and make me skinny like a tapeworm? Oh yeah I'm all in. Where do I sign? "You seem eager to become a test subject for such a procedure with unknowing results." What's the worse that could happen? You consume too much and I look like Steven Tyler? He tells me the process is extensive with little to no side effects and that with his help, I would be able to expand my intelligence and memory while looking the best I have ever looked, once we both are acclimated. I thought we needed to discuss this more at my home but first I had to grab dinner for the night. I locked up the store and headed out into the alley. Jarvis floated in the air and landed gently into the passenger seat. "I'm all set for adventure. Where are we headed?" South of the border my friend. We are going to Taco Bell. I started the car and the radio was playing a very ironic song. It made things fall into place for the journey I was about to become part of, no whole of, and be the first human being to be a guinea pig for the universe. At the end of my thought, I glanced at Jarvis when the beat dropped and he started to sing along. "I like big butts and I cannot lie!"

 

Chapter 4: Lucky Charms

I spent the entire night talking over the logistics with Jarvis. He explained his far off planet and how different races took advantage of his kind to the point of near extinction. "Where is the Mrs?" Thanks for that question Jarvis. I told him she was folded up and boxed up next to the inflatable mattress in the spare bedroom but my joke seemed to fly over his head. At that moment when I was about to explain my sarcasm, Milo jumps on the counter and decides to lunge at our galactic new buddy. I screamed at the cat, but Jarvis had it under control. Milo was floating, suspended in the air and now has the ability to communicate in english. "Food or toy, don't care got to have it!" I nearly fainted again but I took a breath and held my stance. I explained to Milo, yeah sounds insane to me too, that this was a guest in our house and he couldn't eat him. If he could be good I would share the milk after my morning dose of lucky charm cereal. He agreed to it and Jarvis sat Milo softly on the floor. "Eat hearty sir, today we try and see if you can become a host." Just the idea made me cringe and feel like I was in for something unsettling. Like binge watching Gilmore girls. I completed my daily routine and headed out the door for work. Jarvis said he would stay and research humanity via the internet. I warned him to stay off the left wing sites and pay no attention to Democratic nuances. "What about pornography?" He grinned at me and winked at me. I had no idea that this would be how an encounter would go. Cheesy jokes and bad puns, but I wouldn't want it any other way. On the way to work, I passed by a billboard that said "Be a better you" with a guy in a pair of swim trunks and sunglasses. I day dreamed the work day away believing I could be this buff, sexy, beach bum like I saw on Baywatch as a kid. I could be the next Hasslehoff! I pictured myself as a bodybuilder by day and a competitive eater by night. "Where the hell's my server Nate?" Oh great, finally having a nice morning and it's ruined by a Shiltz head. It's almost done, I told him, but he wasn't enthused. " You said this would be done today! " It was done 10 minutes later and the ungrateful jerk tried to skimp on the bill. "Oh next week I'll be back for 4 new builds and I expect priority!" First come first serve Shiltz head. "Maybe you should get rid of the chair and get you a workout ball. " Maybe Bill should shove his head up his own butt and breathe deeply. I sent him away by ignoring his canter and finished my day off with fixing Meg's register. I decided to drive it over and try and weasel a dinner out of her. She was willing to make it for me and was glad to have her register back in working order. I didn't hesitate to leave after my order was bagged up. I was anxious to converse my transformation into a beefcake with Jarvis and see what kind of "issues" we would have in the beginning. No matter what, I was going to be one lucky guy!

 

Chapter 5: Pepperoni Pizza

Friday mornings at the Hawthorne mansion, OK my small studio apartment, are pretty awesome for a nerd like me. I have an employee who opens the shop so I can sleep in, take care of bills and housework, and deal with scheduling of new projects coming in. This time of course had to be with Shiltz head. He always acts like such an ass and gives me indirect ridicule for being overweight. "Nathaniel, what is a Shiltz head?" Jarvis, that is one human your race will have to erase his brain or just delete him all together. "We don't kill Nathaniel, we help." Well when you help Bill Shiltz, make him less hateful and annoying. "Ah I see now, we have those in my race also. No worries we can adjust." We both giggled at the idea possibly for different reasons, but in my head, I could see a crazily happy worm operating tiny control sticks inside Bill's head making him chipper and skip through tulips. "Nathaniel I only have a few more days of rations left, and I hate to be a bother, but when can we start the acclimation process?" Unexplained that today was the last work day of the week and after I returned home we could waste away the weekend with trials and errors of trying to fit together harmoniously. "Very well Nathaniel, now have a wonderful day at work and don't step in any Bill Shiltz!" Best joke yet Jarvis. I left the house a few minutes early because I wanted to take a break from the norm, and have pizza for lunch. I walked in and it just so happened to be Joe working the counter. "Welcome to Papa-" Smurf! I shouted as I entered the room. See, Joe looked like a mixture of papa smurf, Mario from Nintendo, the micro machine guy from the 80's, or just a 70's porn star which is just as funny. "Hey chicken lips!" He always has a corny nickname for us customer friends." One large pepperoni pizza por favor. "Hey Shiltz head was here earlier bragging about his server. You must have done a great job!" Yeah right. Bill give me good feedback? "You know he won't speak a word of it to your face Nate, but seriously he's impressed." I about passed out. Maybe Jarvis snuck out and adjusted Bill, or maybe Jarvis didn't come alone. I got to go Joe, see you in the flip flop and thanks for the info on Shiltz. I left the pizza place and headed to to the shop. On my way, I passed by Men and she looked disgruntled about the pizza box. I'm sorry Meg. "You should be Nate!" She smiled and winked and I realized that she was pretending. I promised I'd be back on Monday. She looked back and grinned. "Look forward to it!" She's way out of my league. At least for now, but tonight I'm gonna be there pretty!

 

Chapter 6: Crab Rangoon

Bill didn't come into the shop today so it's time to shut down, grab dinner and head back to the casa. I grabbed some Chinese food and gassed up the Prius and stopped by the store to get a few things for me and a treat or two for Milo. Everyone I know seemed to be gravitating to the Dollar General. Bill was chewing out the new kid behind the counter over the price of batteries. Joe was there grabbing some cheap DVDs for the weekend and of course some snacks. Meg was there picking out some cleaning supplies, and here I am loading up my cart with Oreos and cat treats. I waited for Shiltz to leave before checking out, and as I was waiting Joe whispered behind me. "Why don't you just ask her out? You know you wanna." OK first off, shut up or she'll hear you, and second after I get skinny. He didn't know that the plan was going to be sooner than later. I waved goodbye as I left the store to both Joe and Meg, hopped in my chubby checker mobile and began my super long 15 minute commute. "Nathaniel, welcome home sir. I have been researching today and am most excited to see the outcome of our composition." Milo was once again out under the " spell" to speak. I assume Jarvis got tired of talking to himself. "Where the hell have you been..Ooh treats! Hand them over fat man!" You know Milo, your cuter when I can't understand what you are saying. I sat down in my recliner and gave the handle a swift tug. I gestured to Jarvis to begin his process into making me a stud. "Hold out your hand Nathaniel, just relax and try not to fight against what you may experience." With those words I reached into the bag of Chinese food and pulled out a single crab Rangoon. I took a huge bite and as I finished chewing I laid my head back and closed my eyes. I felt a surge into the palm of my hand that Jarvis had jumped into and I drifted into a light sleep.

 

Chapter 7: Cheetos

As the evening cascaded into the night, my slumber became deeper and my dreams my psychedelic. I could feel the synapses in my brain snapping and popping like fireworks on the 4th. I slept into Saturday and awoke to Jarvis saying, "You need to wake up sir, we aren't quite there yet. Your insecurities are holding us back. I woke up and touched my face. The feeling was absolutely amazing, as if to touch the chiseled chin of a Greek god. I sat up in my chair, got up and headed to the bathroom to look into the mirror. My face was skinny and toned and I was very pleased with what I saw. I decided to take a look at the rest in the full length mirror on the back of the door. What the hell did you do to me!?! Jarvis and Milo both were snickering from the other room as I looked deep into my reflection. Though my face was skinny and toned, my ass was as wide as the door frame to the bathroom! Holy crap Jarvis what did you do? I look like a rejected version of J-lo! Fix it before it's too late! I wobbled back into the living room where the two tiny beings, Jarvis and Milo, were nearly in tears at the site of my huge ass. I look like a pear and fitting through the doorways of my small apartment were a tremendous impossibility. What seemed to make hauling Kim Kardashian's junk trunk wasn't the physical toll, but the fact I had two childish creatures poking fun, like chain smokers at a cigarette stand. This wasn't that funny but these two idiots decided to tease me the rest of my Saturday. Milo played Niki Minaj's Anaconda at lunch, Jarvis kept putting the same dollar on my seat and saying "no change yet Milo." They had way too much fun at my expense. I knew I couldn't leave the house so I decided to snack on a big bag of Cheetos. This only made me a larger target. OK. That was funny.

 

Chapter 8: Grilled Cheese Sandwich

Saturday evening seemed to finally calm down the one liners and practical jokes played on the giant cheeks I had very little control of. It was dinner time, so I made a grilled cheese sandwich since it was simple and easy, and mentally I was exhausted. I felt like I had been on both a physical marathon and an aptitude test for hours. Why is this so difficult? "Sir I'm sorry for your grotesque rump. We need to try again and see what we can do." I agreed but only after a good night's rest. I could deal with an enormous booty over night, or so I thought. I tried lying on my back but it was arched too much. I laid on my left side for a bit and some how rolled off the bed. I laid on my right with pillows surround but it just wasn't working well. Damn it I have to get some sleep!. "Let me lend my services sir." I about made a mess in the bed and let out a blood curdling scream. " I didn't mean to startle you Nathaniel. " Jarvis, you need to learn personal space not just galactic space. Jarvis floated over to the side table and placed me into a trance. I slept well until 8a.m. Sunday morning. I woke up unnaturally, maybe due to the fact I was in a coma like state induced by a hairless woolly worm. Sorry, I know my comparisons and catharsis antics maybe be getting old by now, but if you've come this far, you might just like them. As I came to, both Milo and Jarvis were looking at me as if I was a buffet. It was going to another hard day of acclimating and situation my time and efforts into being more than just a pretty face. I got outta bed, grabbed what I needed for a shower, did my routine and sat down into my recliner for round two. "I'm going to try to unlock what it is that caused the issues last night sir. You're going to have to show me your fears." Oh wow. I didn't realize how deep into my psyche we were going to delve into. I took some deep breaths and nodded to Jarvis in acceptance of another dose of crazy dreams and fat distribution. "I'm going to feast a bit while I'm in there. I can't wait any longer." I have plenty eat all you want Jarvis. It sounded crazy to say out loud but it was definitely what I wanted done. Shave the fat! I went into a deep sleep but not an enjoyable one like before. It was nightmarish at best with most of my worst fears coming to light. I saw myself without my business and struggling to make ends meat, I saw Milo with Bill Shiltz and they were happy. I saw myself in a casket and I even saw Meg and Bill in a relationship! I screamed and stood up quickly from my chair. "Sir, we still have a problem." The words made me cringe and I shut my eyes to keep from seeing anymore horror for a moment. What is it now Jarvis? "Well I was able to consume quite a bit of fat and was able to eliminate the butt problem." So what's the bad news? " I hate to do this to you, but you need to look and see. "

 

Chapter 9: Peanut Butter and Jelly

I slowly trudged down the hallway and hesitated at the bathroom door. Thoughts fluttered through my mind of what could be wrong with me this time. It has to be behind me or On my head because I couldn't see it without a mirror. I stood with my hand on the door handle and looked back down the hallway at Milo and Jarvis in the living room. The hallway seemed to stretch and my two friends were so far away they were like specks in the galaxy. My palms became sweaty and warm against the brass handle. I opened the door and the darkness inside seemed to cloak me and draw me in. The rings on the shower curtain sparkled like eyes of bats gleaming back at me. I reached out for the switch and-- "For the love of all things kitten, turn on the damned light and look at your face Nate!" Milo screamed from the living room and seem to give me courage to move faster. I peered into the mirror and there was a face with one huge ear on the left and a swollen cheek on the right. So swollen in fact that my eye looked near closed and puffy. Oh man, I look like Hitch after eating shell fish! "You look like an over inflated wholly cushion!" Screw you Milo. "That's not correct sir, you look more like a mutated Mr. Potato head." Here we go again with the antics and roasting from the sesame street gang. I'm glad tomorrows a work day, because I think I would kill these two. I walked back into the living room and stared down the critter crew, who were both holding back tears and Snickers under their breaths. I passed by them to figure out what I could eat with a face of a boxer who just lost. The only meal I could feel like I could enjoy was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I finished making my dinner and sat down to watch TV when the door bell rang. Oh shit.

 

Chapter 10: Vanilla Ice Cream

It was almost 10p.m., who could possibly be at my door so late. Plus I'm out here in the sticks and my neighbors are old enough to have been in bed for hours. Milo and Jarvis rushed towards the bedroom to hide from the unknown visitor. I looked through the prep hole and saw a figure in a black hoodie pacing anxiously for me to open the door. I decided to play the " I just got out of the shower " move and see if we can talk through the door. "It's Meg, I didn't know where else to go, someone broke into the shop and stole the entire register. I know you told me you placed a tracker in it and have skills to find it. It not that it had much in it but they hit the safe too. It has my Dad's ring in it. Please Nate help me." I told her I would work through the night to recover it and to go back home and call the police. She apologized for disturbing my shower and I felt a huge weight of guilt for lying to her, but I couldn't have her see me like this. I hopped online and tracked down the register in about an hour and immediately called the police to tell them my findings. They followed my lead and found the thieves hiding in an abandoned building near my shop. The police recovered all of Meg's property unscathed by the crooks and we were notified that this but was completely random. It was almost 4a.m. before I was able to even think of going to bed. I decided to have some vanilla ice cream before heading to sleep. I got a phone call from Meg again apologizing (she seemed to do that a lot) for it being so late but wanted to thank me for my help. I told her she owed me a large piece of carrot cake and a larger spot on her advertising board. She giggled and promised me I could have it all. "Goodnight Nate, and thank you for being so awesome. I'll see you in a couple of hours, try to get some rest and again I'm sorry for disrupting your night." No problem Meg, anytime. We hung up together and I locked the door, turned off the lights and scooted into the bed next to Milo. 7 a.m. comes soon so I need to fall asleep fast. Tomorrow is going to be tough.

 

Chapter 11: The Buddha Belly Special

During the few hours I slept last night, Jarvis attempted to fix my face. My ear was drooping anymore but now I looked like a smiling Chinese man. Both cheeks were swollen and my eyes were squinted by the bulge. I looked a little better but still was being laughed at. I quickly completed my morning routine and headed out the with Jarvis following closely. I reached my destination in record time and tried to make my way to my work area before anyone arrived so I could try and conceal my face from customers. However as soon as my open sign was turned on, the Shiltz head trampled through the door. "OK Nate I need 4 secure storage banks with integration capabilities." Um, OK Bill , what's the deadline? "Now. I need them ASAP!" Bill you run a used book store. Why in the hell do you need military grade storage and what makes you think I'm going to get it right this second? I DO have other clients. "Just get it done soon man, I need this done." Sure Bill , sure. "Also it's very unprofessional to talk to your customers through a door!" Goodbye Bill. I've always been suspicious of that little Shiltz head but I'm starting to think, maybe he's a spy or something. It wasn't my problem at the moment, I had much larger issues to deal with. I set up a mobile intercom and a camera at the front counter with a sign that said "Owner ill, please talk to this camera for service." It wasn't the best idea I had but it was all I had in my arsenal. It made the work day easier and I was able to get a lot done that morning. I worked in the back all day, not even leaving for lunch and I felt bad about it. I decided if call Meg's and tell her I didn't blow her off. "Hello this is Meg's cafe." Hey Meg it's Nate, I'm sorry I couldn't make it by for lunch but I wanted to call and make sure you're doing OK. "That's sweet Nate thank you. I'm OK but I'm going to have you install a security system when I have the funds." I told her I'd work out payments and set it up over the weekend as long as no one would be there. We scheduled me to be there in Sunday and I asked if she would drop a key off in my mailbox at the shop now it's time to kick it up with Jarvis and get all this crazy nonsense under control once and for all.

 

Chapter 12 The Celery Stick

I finished all my weekly jobs and it's only Monday. I had 7 jobs not counting Bill Shiltz's crazy hard drive cluster. It was already 7 o'clock and I was getting hungry, however all that was left in my work fridge was a lone celery stick left over from a week ago when I got wings from Applebee's. I guess this is dinner until I get home. I decided to finish all my work orders and then head home from there. I knew that Bill wanted small physical boxes with large hard drive capacities so I used the wasp system that provides 100Tb of space. It was a beautiful system that connected and integrated with each box. Now that it was almost 9, I decided it was time to take Jarvis home to start a long round 3 of coexisting. "Sir, I think I know why things keep going wrong. You've been thinking about too many things when we do try to integrate and combine with one another." Well, Yeah! I have a life. It's boring, or was until this crap. I want this to work just once. "Do you have a quiet place or a special spot on this planet that you go to clear your mind?" I thought long and hard about it, but the only place that came to mind was the small lake near my house. The lake has some winds in it and was long and narrow. Near the South end Of the lake was a willow tree close to the bank. The tree shaded over the water, and next to the water's edge, was a park bench. This was a spot where I went many times when life seemed unbearable or extremely difficult. This could be the special medicine needed to finally make this work out and have a better life from here on out. The more I thought of this place the faster I seemed to drive to arrive at it. We arrived at the lake and although it was late and of course closed, Jarvis and I made our way to the very spot I had described to him and began our acclimating routine for the 4th time. "Nathaniel, I believe this could go well and if so you won't see me again for a very long time. The reason is because I will be dwelling inside you and becoming a single entity. We will be as one!" I sure hope that's the case tonight. Jarvis placed me into a trance like state at first and allowed me to relax before diving further into comatose. I felt really great with all the things going on in my mind, body and soul; like trembled of euphoria waving over me and putting me in peace. Only time will tell what the outcome will be.

 

Chapter 13: Granola Bar

The morning sun shined through the willow branches and the light breeze caused the light to dance across the grass. I woke up feeling refreshed, and yet alone in the park bench. I sat up and stretched, and as I did, I noticed the sleeves of my shirt were baggy. I stood up to continue my stretch, realizing my pants were extremely loose but did not react in time and both my pants and my boxer briefs fell to my ankles! I smiled devilishly in awe and relief that I no longer had a gut. I glanced down at the water's edge and the reflection looking back at me wasn't me. He was beautiful. I knew this fact at the elderly women joggers whistling at me as they ran slowly by, and the most surprising thing was it didn't bother me one bit. Today, was my best day ever! I collected my pants and undies and hobbled to the car to look for a snack. I was starving and I knew somewhere in my car was at least a candy bar of sorts. Digging through the middle console, I discovered what most people would be turned off by. There in front of me was a small, brightly wrapped, granola bar. I wanted to saver it, but the hunger took over and I nearly inhaled the wrapper along with the granola bar. I looked into the rear view and I was super excited to go home and find something to wear to the store and buy some actual clothes that fit. I drove home quickly and as I was near my midway point I felt a surge of energy inside my head. "Good morning Sir, seems like everything went well last night. I don't want to get your hopes up, but I do believe our entanglement, at least the physical one is complete and successful." Indeed it was amazing to finally be what this little worm had promised. I was about to embark on a journey of feeling great looking wonderful. Jarvis and I discussed the next stages of how my body would need some maintenance and how stress and disturbances might cause changes like before . I wasn't nervous about it mainly because I was way too ecstatic to even think about the what ifs. As I pulled into my drive I could see Milo sitting in the window, and he seemed to have a smile on his face to see me. I parked and grabbed my waistline so that I wouldn't loose my trousers again. I ran up the stairs tripping and stumbling from the access of clothes hanging off me. Milo jumped down from his perch and he said wow about 30 times. "Would you like me to shut off the cat-can-talk option Nathaniel?" I giggled at the the thought of being a human remote but I was just as in awe as Milo was and I really liked the compliment. I rushed into my bathroom to see what my new temple looked like, this was the first real look. I didn't hesitate to turn the light on and slide around the door to witness my greatest life change. I could explain what I saw but as I think about it now, it could be part of a romantic Daniellle Steele novel, or the after hour trash you find on Cinemax. Just know I was fit, six packed and muscle toned, from head to toe.

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Chapter 14: The Spaghetti Bowl

I called my employee Timmy who opens for me Fridays and Saturdays to see if he wanted to cover some weekday shifts. He said he wanted to move into full time if I could use him and of course I was feeling it's time to have him there. I asked him to come by the house and we could have dinner and talk about the new setup for work. I was about to set myself up to be able to enjoy my new self and allow Timmy to step up as a manager. He agreed to dinner and asked if he could bring his girlfriend Ginger, and of course I allowed it. I'm not the greatest cook in the world, but something I'm proficient at is spaghetti. I knew it was only the three of us but I wanted to build up some fat for the fourth. Jarvis and I were well connected and I had a feeling that all in life is serene. I set the table, made the pasta, fixed drinks, and made a dessert before the doorbell rang. Right on time as usual Timmy. "Hey Nate! Nice bachelor pad! This is my girlfriend Ginger." I guess with the outside light, Timmy couldn't see that I was much smaller than when we saw each other a couple of weeks ago. The couple stepped inside and that was the moment Timmy could see I was different. He slammed back into the door as it closed behind him and his jaw was near the floor. "Dude! Where's the rest of you?!?" I smiled and just shrugged at the question . I noticed that Ginger was taking a second look, probably due to how Timmy described me or his reaction as he stepped into the apartment. Either way these two people were impressed, and I was flattered. We gathered around the table, I said a short grace, and we talked and ate until it was dark outside. I agreed to make him a store manager with a raise, and a spot in the front of the store. I wanted to be able to work with less distractions and be seen less by customers now with my new bod. I told him that I was confident in him running the sales and project intake and I would work mainly on setup and finishing the products with his help. We also talked about hiring a third part timer to help rotate the weekend shifts so he could spend more time with Ginger. He was excited and agreed to all the new changes with high expectations. As they left, I felt a sense of relaxation and achievement but still a little hungry. The Spaghetti Bowl had quite a bit left in it, and as I stared into the bowl I heard Jarvis' voice. "Go ahead sir, eat all you like." So I devoured the rest of the spaghetti , 6 breadsticks, and half a chocolate cake. This, is freaking awesome.

 

Chapter 15: The Whole Enchilada

A few days had passed and the new work system was working perfectly. I stayed at the office during lunch and usually had food ordered in so I could pig out in private. I did get a call from Meg, she seemed to be worried about me cause she hadn't seen me at all this week. I was a bit nervous to see her now that I was a new man. After her call I really started to contemplate the idea of being seen in public and it got my mind racing. I noticed that the more I thought about it, my hands became sweaty, I couldn't sit still and my arms became heavy as I worked. "Nathaniel, is something wrong? I must say, you need to calm down or we may have some serious issues again." Oh great more J-lo ass, or thunder thighs. Maybe big duck lips or turkey neck. I couldn't let that happen again. Jarvis and I had an inner monologue of things to come but his reassurance wasn't helping. I kept thinking people might assume I'm on drugs since I was a butterball less than a week ago. I knew I had to learn to play it cool, but this was me! A worry wart with a dork complex! What am I'm going to do? I sat down at lunch time to eat the new menu item from Meg's it was a huge plate of enchiladas smothered in white queso. She called it the "Whole Enchilada" and to look at it, you could definitely see why. Before I got started reading into this thing, I stretched my arms out wide hoping to make a little room, when I noticed my arms felt very heavy. I stood up and went to the bathroom next to my office to double check what was wrong. I just knew I had caused an issue worrying so much. There, in the mirror, was now a man mutating into a flying creature. Or at the least, that's how it appeared with arms so flabby that the skin and fat hung down underneath each arm. Jarvis giggled and simply put it. "When you worry, you become Batman the fatman!" So here again; full circle